Never Forever
by Caitlin Finn
Summary: Mello feels neglected by Matt.
1. Chapter 1

When I wake up, the first thing I notice is the lack of warmth and weight in the bed next to me. I roll over to find that, as expected, no one's there. A faint clicking sound draws my attention to the other side of the room. Matt is already up, dressed and at his laptop. Another one of those "important jobs" no doubt.

"Hey, come back to bed," I say to him blearily.

"Can't. I've got a job to finish up." It's always like this. We'll have a night of ardent sex and fall asleep with our sweaty limbs intertwined; but there's no "morning after." No waking up to Matt spooning me from behind and placing butterfly kisses along my neck and shoulders. No rolling out of bed and stumbling into the shower together before going down to breakfast. There hadn't been any of that since Wammy's; since I'd left Matt there.

I know that isn't Matt's problem, though. He knew that one day I would have to leave, that he wouldn't be coming with me. He'd had plenty of time to prepare.

Maybe I'm just not attractive anymore. That's what I've been thinking as of late. I used to be beautiful; or so I was told. But the last time I'd bothered looking at myself in a mirror I barely recognized myself. My blond hair was dull. My eyes were no longer the bright sapphire they once were, but instead a cold gray-ish blue. Bones were poking out making me look emaciated. I could see dried come caking the insides of my thighs. In short, I looked like a washed-out prostitute.

"Whatever," I tell Matt. I've over-stayed my welcome. He makes that clear to me. So I go wash off and get dressed. And as I head off to work, I tell myself I won't return tonight. But I will. I always do.

* * *

**AN:** This was just an idea that my muse presented me with. Yes, I realize it's extremely short and maybe doesn't make much sense. I will expand on it and make it longer (add chapters to it) if enough people think I should. Maybe explain why Matt's acting the way he is? Tell what happened in their past? It's up to all of you.


	2. Chapter 2

"Oh God…"

Here I am again. On my back, legs spread wide, moaning and whimpering like the bitch I am.

"Ngh," Matt answers me with a grunt. He's thrusting faster, and I'm absolutely euphoric. I know my ass will be raw tomorrow and I won't be able to sit properly. This is one of our more frantic couplings. Sometimes we take it slow and it almost seems to me that we're making love. But tonight, there's nothing but raw energy and the heat of the moment.

With a final whimper my climax crashes down on me and I collapse into a boneless heap. Matt doesn't seem to notice or care; he simply continues plunging into me with abandon. At this point, I like to look up at him and just… study him. His eyes squeezed shut, his sweat-slicked skin sliding against mine, his utter carelessness at how hard he's thrusting.

I also wonder what is going through Matt's head. Does he even recognize that it's _me_ he's fucking? Or does he have the image of some girl fixed in his mind? It hurts more than I care to admit, that he could be fantasizing about someone else.

I hear Matt groan above me. He's finally reaching his zenith and I can feel him pulsing within me. Then it's over. He extracts himself and leaves the room. I presume he's gone to take a shower.

Why do I keep doing this to myself? I must have a terrible masochistic streak, because I'm here every night. My health is pitiful. And for what, sex? _No_, I correct myself, _for sex with Matt._

Before I left Wammy's, we'd been… well, not dating. But we were exclusive in that we only ever slept with each other. I called him seven months ago, hoping that we could catch up. He strode into the bar where we had agreed to meet completely changed; no longer the boy I'd grown up with. What had happened to transform him so completely?

I sigh and roll over onto my side. In trying to solve the puzzle, I only find myself with more pieces to put together.

Sometimes I wish I did smoke. Just to have something to occupy me until Matt came back and ignored me in favor of his laptop. And maybe I'd fling the lit butts at his back until he noticed me. As I watch the scenario play out in my head, I obstinately hope that I managed to burn him.

* * *

**AN:** Well, here it is. Tell me what you all think?


End file.
